Posted by: nazli | July 14, 2007

The Deficiencies of I …

My deficiencies are considerable – I could state at least one for every day I have lived. The major one is my ego – the part of me which needs and feeds to no end. And ironically for no purpose. It just needs to need. I can look back at many entries on this blog and clearly see my ego at work. I needed to regroup my Being.

Some years ago, when I was working on my doctorate and trying to make ends meet, I felt so stressed that one day I had enough. I read of books by sages of the world. It was a miracle for me. I surrendered to the universe and nature – if the universe can run in perfect order, there is reason for me to worry. I became so humble and so centered and so happy. I stopped worrying – and I won scholarships, and my world just fell into place. I don’t how – but it is true.

Then I became absorbed again. In finding the right job, in trying to assert my own independence, in trying to prove myself right. Humility and surrender were replaced by my impatience at wanting everything my way at my time. I do not think I was a bad person – but I was hardly fearless, hardly ambitious (at least not for the right things), hardly bold. I was unaware.

But the universe reminded me with ferocity – so after many moons here I am – a work in progress – in absolute humility, with total faith in love, such awe of the universe, unrelenting hope that I live the fearlessness of my fantasies.

Oh, how have you been fearless bloggers? It’s been awhile – but I am excited be back in the blog mix with my bloggers! Did you know there is a place called “Truth or Consequnces” in New Mexico? Isn’t that grand? This summer I am teaching one class and working with some students. And this summer is going to be the best summer of my life – because whatever happens, my ego is denied. I am alive – and oh so grateful. “Dear Ego – you are hereby relieved, love Nazli.”

Caco and Maliha have written some beauteous things to me in their comments – I don’t know what they see in me – but in reading them, I can only strive to be. Thank you!

See you tomorrow.

With much warmth,

Nazli

This is a picture of Chickies Rock (click to enlarge) – I love the stars and the moons and skies – but the beauty this earth leaves me breathless!

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